Wednesday, August 20, 2008


Patience is a fruit of the spirit. And as all the other fruits, I know we can only bear them when we are abiding in the vine. (I know, I know). We can't produce patience or any other fruit on our own efforts. So when I say, "I'm trying to be patient", I think that's where the problem is, I AM TRYING! After two trips to the hospital over the weekend with contractions that were timeable and strong and after having them stopped with medication both times, I'm going a bit crazy with anticipation! I'm not even 37 weeks and yet, I keep expecting this baby to come any day now. I'm dwelling, let me be honest. With every contraction my mind starts wondering if this might be it. I simply cannot keep doing this for the next three plus weeks! I know that the only way I'm going to make it through this time is by abiding in the vine, He never disappoints, but why it's taking my so long to go there I'm not quite sure. Could it be that I want to obsess? Could it be that deep in my simple brain with altered logic I think that the more I dwell, the closer I will be to meeting my son? Oh Sarah! Get a grip! Sawyer will come into this world at his divinely appointed time and for me to think I can do anything to make it any different, or for me to want it to be any different is just silly! I just had to confess this struggle here. Thanks for letting me do a little journaling. I'm trying to focus on other things, the business of living daily life, etc..., but what I've left out is abiding in the vine and I know that's where all the trouble lies. "Jesus, here I come, I want to abide in you! Not just now, when I am feeling such need, but always as I always have profound need of you, whether I see it or not. I know I can do all things through you, because you give me strength. I know that only you can give me the peace and patience and joy I need to be whole and content, regardless of my circumstances. Fill me with your presence Father, be my everything as only you can be! Amen"

1 comment:

Beka said...

My dear sister, I am praying for you! I can't imagine how hard the waiting must be. I'm praying that God will give you that patience you long for... as well as a large measure of peace.
And as you wait, think ahead to a time when your children are growing up, and you might wistfully look back to these days and wish you could have Sawyer inside you again-- feeling his kicks, and knowing the joy of being pregnant. My encouragement to you is to try to enjoy every moment now, as much as you can.
I'll keep praying, and waiting with you. I wish we lived closer so we could have tea together and chat!
Love you, dear one!