When We've Been Wounded

Have you been in this place? Heart beating in your throat, trembling with emotion.  The mind says angry but the heart screams hurt.  When the hurt is doled out and leaves our jaw on the floor. But why are we so surprised, at this heart sinking hurt? To love, to pursue in friendship is to open our chests and ask for it, right?, because sin spares no one and no one is without sin. What does God have for me in these wakes of rejection?  How does he want to heal the sorrow of not being liked or wanted or understood?  Run away and shut the door, lock it, that's what I want to do, let the tears flow, wallow in self pity, vow to hold that person at arms length from now on.  But then I see Him in the corner, looking at me with an ache of understanding, He walks slowly towards me, arms open, head slightly to one side.  He reaches his hand to my downcast chin and lifts my face to His and says, "sweet daughter, I know how this feels, to be rejected by those you love.  I know what it is to be misunderstood, despised, to be hated.  And I was without sin. But I kept on loving, I kept on being, I kept on doing all the Father asked of me because of my great love for YOU!"  And then my heart hears it, the answer to my hurt.  Because of my great love for HIM, because I have been forgiven much, I must love much, forgive much, ask for forgiveness even when it doesn't seem fair.  Are boundaries really Biblical or have we culturally rationalized them to be good for our own protection?  What if loving like Christ means expecting the hurt?  What if the best way to show Him to the world is to respond to hurt in a way that defies logic?  In a way that proves it is NOTHING in us, but all HIM in us.  Oh this is a struggle, our pride hates this, but I grasp His hand and He takes the first step towards the door.  He moves my hand to unlock the door.  He walks out first and turns to me and says, "My power will be made perfect in your weakness."  And so I walk out, take a deep breath, and choose to love more, forgive again, to let His light shine through this cracked and broken and ugly vessel.  And if I run into that room again, I trust He will always walk me back out, because it is fire that refines, not feathers.

2 Corinthians 4:7-8 "But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair."

Isaiah 53:3-4 "He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain. Like one from whom people hide their faces he was despised, and we held him in low esteem. Surely he took up our pain and bore our suffering, yet we considered him punished by God, stricken by him, and afflicted."

Why I Love Mondays

I often hear moaning about Mondays, getting up early, starting out the routine of the week.  But I'm going to buck the system and say that I LOVE them!  No, I really mean it, I love Mondays!  It's a fresh start see, not just a brand new day, but a brand new week, a brand new chance to start on the right foot, to prioritize my time and relationships, to seek the thrown of grace for those new mercies He promises and to allow Him to fill me up and send me out.  Call me crazy, but I'm sure there is a smirk on my face, maybe a full on smile as I load that first load of laundry, make those school lunches, eat my breakfast looking at the big oak tree with the mountainous backdrop.  This is the day the Lord has made, I think to myself, I will rejoice and be glad in it!  My prayer this morning, "Father, give me the grace to step into your plan for me this week, to die to self and serve those you've placed in my care and life.  Lord, show me any offensive way in me, grow fruit of your spirit in my life.  I am weak, I fail every day, and I loath the ugliness of my sin.  Show me how to live in your forgiveness, to BE the new creation I am because of Christ. Amen."  Deep breath and here we go!  So much love to you as you read this friend!  May HIS power be made perfect in OUR weakness!

This and That

Cohesive essays are overrated... or at least I'll say that to make myself feel better about these random bullet points. 
- Just did my workout video!  I feel so good after I'm done, but I'd be lying if I said I thoroughly enjoy it while I'm doing it.  Jillian Michaels doesn't play around... but she IS giving me some awesome muscle definition, so I'll stop complaining.
- Valentine's Day is coming up, and this is my first year to try to be homespun about it and make homemade valentines with the girls.  I can't take all the credit though, I got the idea from Pinterest.  What do you think?

- I've been reading Organized Simplicity, great so far! Creating an atmosphere of peace and focus, what a gift to our families and ourselves! Still very much in process, but taking steps, it feels good.

- I'm ready for a vacation!  Just me and my man, some beautiful balmy weather, sleeping until my body naturally wakes up, eating delicious food, reading wonderful books by the water.  Our ten year anniversary is coming up in a year and a half and we're hoping to make this dreaming a reality:).  Perhaps a little weekend away can happen for our nine year too, fingers crossed:).

- My baby girl is turning one in just 12 days.  Nope, not ready for this, not in the least.  I've decided she will only ever be months old, not years, because after all you're still a baby when your age is referred to in months right? Here are a couple of her one year pics I took about a week ago.  Oh the preciousness!!!

- Travis needs a new car.  And when I say "needs" I really mean it.  He has a 1986 Buick that we inherited from a great Aunt upon her passing.  Free car, no payment, exactly up our alley, but it's on it's last leg.  It dies at random intersections, emits an awful smell, so the windows always need to be cracked, and the girls only have lap belts in the back seat while riding to school in the mornings.  Time to start a craigslist search...
-Do you want to know what I think about at about 5:30am every morning?  "I wonder how much one of those temper pedic mattresses cost?  I wonder how long we'd have to save for one?"  Yes, our mattress set of 8 years is starting to give us aches and pains each morning:(.  My back aches so much that it wakes me early each morning restless and unable to go back to sleep until I finally give up and get up before the alarm:(.
- Emma just had her hero project at school, she picked Jesus:).  She had so much fun making her Jesus figure and doing her research.  She was especially excited to tell her friends about Him in hopes that some might ask Him into their hearts.  It makes a mama's heart sing to hear this kind of excitement about sharing the good news!

- Chloe is reading! Such an amazing skill to master and she's doing so well so far, getting faster every day it seems.  And boy is her confidence growing at school, I'm so proud of my little sweetie:).
- How's my "one plan" going you might ask?  Well, pretty good I suppose, although I certainly haven't done each of my "one" things every day, but just being aware of what I'm aiming for, a reminder to be purposeful has really been growing some new habits in me, all praise to the Lord!
- I'm wondering if Sawyer might have some speech issues.  He's 3.5 and talking all the time, just seems to have trouble with the initial sounds of some words and stutters quite a bit when he's trying to say something he's really excited to say.  Going to make a call to our local school district to see about getting him evaluated.  I'm guessing these are things he will outgrow, but I'm hoping to get some tips for how I can help him overcome these obstacles at home.
- It's Friday, horay! Oh how I love me some weekend, whole family together for two days time!