For those of you who don't already know, we're having our diagnostic ultrasound this Thursday and yes, we'll be peeking to find out if it's a boy or girl. Going into Thursday, I can't help but feel a sort of pressure that I just have to talk about here. When you have two girls, it seems almost inevitable that everyone assumes you are hoping for a boy, and vice versa if you have two boys. This seems to be especially true since this will most likely be our last, Lord willing of course:). Now while we'd be lying if we said we're not curious what a boy would bring to the mix, what it would be like to parent a child of the opposite sex, I can't say that we're "hoping" for anyone other than exactly who God created in my womb. In our own limited view of our lives, and in our simple human logic, of course we've thought, it would be nice to have a boy. As I've dialogued with Travis about it, we understand how natural it is to desire a child of your own sex, someone "like you", to teach and train in "the ways of man or womanhood". I know that if I had two sons right now, I would be diligently praying for a daughter, but again, that would be in my own wisdom and understanding of what fulfills my life. And don't get me wrong, it's not just Travis who desires a son. I too would love to know that special relationship between mother and son.
But all this brings me to where our hearts are at a mere two days before the big ultrasound. And please know that these are not just words we've convinced ourselves to believe. This is really, truly where God has us, and it feels really good, all glory to Him! We know, that before this little baby in my womb was created, every hair on his/her head was numbered. Every day of their lives was ordained for them before one came to pass. Our precious Father, in His infinite wisdom, even took into consideration our family dynamics. And here's the part that fills my heart to bursting! He decided that Travis and I, full of weaknesses and faults that stretch a mile high, would be just the parents for this little life. That we needed this baby in our journey of growth towards deeper intimacy with Him, and that this baby needs us. Humbling? Incredibly so! And so don't you see? To "hope for" anyone other than exactly who this person is, girl or boy, seems pretty arrogant and silly. Do we really presume to know better than the God of the universe? The God who loves us so much that He sent His own son to die for us? The God who loves us more than any human love can match? Certainly not! We already love this baby, for exactly who they are. Thursday to us is an exciting chance to get to know this little one just a little bit more, and we can't wait! And we can't wait to share our news with you as well.
Baby (insert last name), we want YOU! We hope for YOU! We can't wait to see YOU on that ultrasound screen! Love, Mommy, Daddy, Emma, Chloe, and Sawyer xoxoxo