Sawyer's First Birthday!

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One Year

One year ago today, I was beholding my firstborn son for the very first time! I remember crying tears of joy at the first sight of you, "Monkey". Sawyer Michael, what a blessing you have been to our family! You have three mommy's you know. You are loved so very much by all, that sweet smile of yours must be made of fire, because it melts the hearts of all who behold it. You are my mellow man... so far that is. Easy going, go with the flow, I often call you my happy camper. So much a year can hold, sweet son, so many firsts. I treasure each moment, locked in my memory, to hold me fast when one day I watch you graduate from high school. There will be plenty of time for letting go, for launching you into independence. But for now, precious son, keep snuggling in, putting your arms up whenever I walk by, giving that precious sigh of contentment when I oblige.Baby mine, happy first birthday!

My Dearest Emma Grace!

My dearest Emma Grace. Today was a big day for you, little peanut sauce. Today I dropped you off at Kindergarten. You were so excited to get dressed this morning, in your little navy blue uniform dress and new school shoes. You were up before I had to wake you up anticipating the day ahead. You requested a bun for your hair today, but we compromised with a half bun since I like your long curls so much. Daddy and I both took you to school today while Grammy watched Chloe and Sawyer. You wanted to ride with Daddy in the Buick since that's how you'll be riding to school every day. I pulled along side you in the van and you waved at me with such excitement. I waved back with the same look of excitement while holding back the lump in my throat. "Is this really happening?" I thought to myself. When we pulled up to school, I watched daddy carry you across the street and immediately the flashbacks of him carrying you in your infant car seat across the hospital parking lot came into my mind's eye. It seems like only yesterday we were bringing you home from the hospital in your little green dress. Emma Grace, you have filled our hearts in a way that simply can't be expressed with words! You are beautiful, sweet girl, in every definition of the word, my precious firstborn. Your sense of humor, your excitement for surprises, your tender care of your sister and brother, the way you're eager to help me around the house, your sweet hugs and kisses, our priceless times before bed when I give you "tickles" on your back and we talk about everything under the sun and above it. I Cherish you so much! Today was hard for me, this little step of letting go. How can anyone love you as much as I do? Well, you know who. About a week ago, we were laying by the wading pool on our towels having a special time together and I told you that school would be starting this week and that you might miss me. I asked you if you were worried about missing me, to which you replied, "Jesus is in my heart, mommy, so if I miss you I will just pray to Him and He will help me feel better, because He is always with me." I was shocked and awed and my heart melted in a puddle right there! I said, "you're right baby, and mommy will need to do that too when I'm missing you!" But time has to move forward, and babies have to grow up and every day involves trusting God with your little heart and life, even when you're not in my care. I pray this day is special for you baby, that you have a great time with your wonderful teachers and new friends. Know that I'm always with you in my heart, I pray for you all day long and can't wait to pick you up from school! We will get through this together and no matter how many other teachers you have along the way, Daddy and I will always be your number one teachers and we are so honored and blessed to have that job!

This is the special note your teachers gave me on the way out the door with a fluffy cotton ball, a note that made me cry my eyes out all the way home!:

"Dearest Kindergarten Parents,
We just want to give you a little "gift" as you leave your little growing edge of the world with us this morning, so you will not have to go away "empty-handed".
As you hold this little cotton ball in your hand, the softness will help you to recall the gentle spirit of your child. Go home and after you have wiped your tears, make yourself a nice warm cup of tea. Put your feet up and relax. Remember, that together, we will all work along side your child, this year, to help them grown to their fullest capabilities.
Thank you for entrusting your child to us for this upcoming school year. We promise to do our very best every day to be your child's companions in learning and exploring this bright new world they have just stepped into...into the world of "I CAN!"
Sincerely,
Tina and Heidi"

Happy Birthday Chloe Paige!

My sweet little Chloe Mo! How ever did you go from this...

to this!

Such beauty, such light, such fire for life!

You will always be my precious baby, no matter how big you get, my mama's girl to the core! Your hugs and kisses and "I love you's" melt my heart like no other. Happy third birthday sugar! I love you to the moon and back!

Trusting God Enough

I'm deep in thought tonight about the direction our future, as a family, is headed. I am married to a visionary man, full of passion and excitement for the future. It's exciting to be his wife for sure, I love his passion and I too want to be courageous as we attempt to step towards God's best for our lives. But sometimes my heart gives way to fear. Fear of the unknowns, the what-ifs, sketchy finances and the like. I know that each new venture into the unknown gives us more opportunity to trust the Lord, and that is what I'm praying for tonight, that I would learn to bathe in God's promises, that I would trust God enough to trust Travis as we makes some big decisions for our future. I want to hang on tight, eyes wide open on this ride, ready to embrace what's around the next corner!

11 Months!

Sawyer Michael turned 11 months yesterday! I can't believe we're only one month away from his first birthday. My little Gerber baby will be toddling before I know it, he's so close, walking along furniture, crawling with great speed. I really don't know how this year flew so fast!

New Favorite Picture!

So I Don't Forget

Yesterday:
I ask Chloe, "would you please help me fold this laundry? Here are some towels and pillow cases for you to do."
Chloe (Folds her items with great care): "Look Mommy! I folded it good!"
Me: "Yes you sure did sweetie, how did you get to be such a good folder?!"
Chloe (Chest puffed out, proud grin on her face and in her eyes): "I just growed up to be a good folder Mommy, I'm big now!"
Me: "You're right baby, you are SO big! Thank you for being such a good helper to Mommy!"
For the rest of the day, she kept asking me if there was anything else that needed to be folded.

Today:
In the car today, Chloe exclaims as she looks out the window with excitement, "Look at the clouds Emma!!!"
Emma: "Ya, they're like peanut butter and jelly, all spreaded out!"
Where do they come up with this stuff, I love it!

This Vessel

I've been giving much thought to this birthday post over the past few months. We all know, deep down, that birthdays only mark the passage of time, they don't speed it up or slow it down. But somehow, they always get us contemplating our age and what it means. And these decade birthdays seem to get more attention than others; I guess we like to think it tens? I've been getting comments all year like, "you're turning thirty this year! Is that hard for you to think about?" Or, "The big 3-0 is approaching, how are you feeling about that?" I know these questions are usually asked in sympathy as the asker expects me to be bemoaning my age. But I can say, in all honesty, that I am feeling quite different than one might expect about this thirtieth birthday.

Thirty years ago today, my parents were having one of the most amazing moments of their lives! At 4:17pm on July 3rd, 1979, their 5lb. 13oz. baby girl entered the world, their first born child. As morbid as it may sound, there are so many people who die in childhood, adolescence, or young adulthood, I have been touched by so many of these stories, babies who never leave the hospital alive, etc... So to complain about getting older is to complain about the precious days God has allowed me to live on this earth, each of which is such a gift!
This vessel has served me well, friends, I cannot complain. And that is what my aging body is, yes? A vessel, a vehicle my soul gets to ride in through this journey of life. Don't get me wrong, I have my moments of vanity, wishing my skin looked like it did when I was 18, wishing the skin on my stomach had a little more elasticity to pull itself back together after three babies stretched it halfway around the world and back. But alas, I have stretch marks and moles, and the beginnings of fine lines on my face. Shhh! don't tell anyone, but I even found my first "age spot"! But I'm not going to get stuck on this laundry list of pettiness, NO! I am so blessed!
For thirty years, I have watched the seasons change, seen the glory of sunsets and even a few magical sunrises. I have anticipated warm holiday times with family and friends, laughed until I cried, cried until I laughed, sometimes cried until all my tears were completely dried up. I have been in love, and then learned what real love is, the kind you choose. I have carried life within my womb, something so miraculous and wonderful, I just can't find words for it! I know what it is to be "Mommy", I know what it is to be "Sweetheart, Baby, Wife". I have mourned and rejoiced, had times of excitement and times of quiet "normalcy". I have known the joy of becoming more mature, of being able to look back at where I was and see the amazing growth and fruit God has worked out in me. With each new sentence I write, my smile grows bigger! The whole package of my life, the blessings and hardships, ALL of it has been such a gift! And what has been the greatest gift of my life? Jesus Christ! It is because of His death on a cross and Resurrection that I have the promise of eternity with my God, it is because of Him that I can call Him "my God". And this eternity does not just begin when I die, He has given me abundant life NOW, joy that overpowers circumstances, peace that washes my soul even in life's greatest storms, hope and purpose and love beyond measure!
I am thankful, bursting with thanks really for the gift that is my life! I will leave you with these verses of promise and hope as I celebrate thirty wonderful years on this earth. Thank you Lord for this vessel!

Philippians 1:21
"For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain."

Romans 8:11
"And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit, who lives in you."

Philippians 4:12-13
"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength."

Taking You In

A thought crossed my mind just now, sweet Emma, as I watched you out the window. Completely unaware that I'm watching you, swinging on your swing set, braids blowing in the breeze of each swing. You are little now, almost five years old, but you won't always be so little. In fact, the thought of the speed of time fell heavy on my heart just now. Oh, that I could stop time, or at least bottle it up for safe keeping! You're thinking about something as I watch you, it's all over your face, brows furrowed, talking or singing to yourself as you look out over the pasture behind us. Perhaps you are wishing you could fly, or maybe you are imagining you are riding that horse you see. Dream, sweet daughter, dream big! God is a big God, give your heart to Him and He will give you life abundant!