Tuesday, May 04, 2010

The Truth of the Matter

The truth of the matter is... I'm struggling. Struggling with a three (almost four year old) who just doesn't seem to be learning self control or the submission of her will. I am on my knees, begging for wisdom from the Lord, counting on Him to give it as He promises. I am pouring over books on Biblical parenting, seeking mentors for advice, and all the while staring at my own sin in my response to her in the mirror with heartache. I get so angry, so angry I could lift a car it feels like. I get so sad, so at a loss for what she's needing to penetrate her heart. So weary and discouraged as we discipline and pray, discipline and pray, discipline and pray with her over and over again. What am I missing Father?, "if there is any offensive way in me..." show me. Oh how this is showing me our desperate need for Jesus. Our sin is so ugly and yet, when we receive the free gift of God's grace, the forgiveness of sin through Christ's death on the cross, we can live in the power, the freedom of His Resurrection!

Father, I lay this burden at your feet. Thank you for loving my children immeasurably more than I ever can. Thank you for entrusting me with these little lives, I long for nothing more than to point them to you, to show them that they are nothing without you and everything with you. Father, I am weak and I need your strength. I beg for wisdom! Refine my own heart as I attempt to Shepherd theirs, let me be a light to them by example. If you use me for nothing else Father, use me to bring each of my children to your saving grace, let each of my children walk in newness of life, knowing the joy and purpose that supersedes all their circumstances and shortcomings. And Father I confess my anger and frustration, my impatience and unkindness and ask you to renew my spirit and produce those fruits of your Spirit. Show me what it looks like to truly abide in You, show me how to walk by the Spirit and how to really let you carry my burdens. And I pray specifically for Chloe's heart Father, soften it and make her receptive to discipline, help her develop self control and first time obedience, kindness, gentleness and security when she's away from us. I love her with all that's in me and I want to be the mother she needs. Please send spiritual mentors into my life who can help me see things I may not be seeing, make your Word come alive to me as I seek you above all else. Amen.

8 comments:

Tate said...

Love you, Sarah. We are in this together. Will remember you as I need to seeking the Lord for wisdom with my kids, too. So appreciate your sensitivity, and heart to love and shepherd your children. Persevere, friend!

Christina

Maryann said...

I know that parenting is a lifelong struggle, and our kids seem to always bring us to the brink of ourselves. I will pray for you and Chloe, she will come around, because she has excellent examples all around her. Especially in her Mother.

Anastasia said...

Ahhh, this is my heart's cry for all my children (one in particular) as well. Thank you for sharing your heart, kindred spirit.

Mindy said...

My Drewby, (middleborn), is the same way! I always say that he has taught me more about humility than Dylan(firstborn) ever could have! I really think it has to do with birth order, do you? Have you read Kevin Lehman's book about Birth Order?? It might give you some insight??

Summers Family said...

This is where we have been for a while. I so hear your heartfelt plea!
Two suggestions, Love and Logic - books or classes, and my friend who runs a daycare of 8 3 year olds highly recommends positive discipline - we are reading it now and finding it very helpful.
Good luck - this is why our children help make us who we are just as much as we make them. How could we even imagine coming close to perfection without children to help us see our flaws?

Anne Marie Criswell said...

For a biblical approach to discipline I loved the book Dare to Discipline. It was recommended to me by some older moms at our church. I've already read it, but am sure I will do so again several times.

Mary Vigil said...

Praying along side you... your post touched my heart, I am struggling with my two year old son, thank you for speaking into my heart.

Amber L. said...

Amen sister! As we talked about the other day, I hear you loud and clear. I will pray for you as you pray for me. Parenting is so not easy, but God chose you for Chloe for a special reason. He knew you would be the best mom for her and all your children. Sometimes we can't see it, but he always does. Raising our unique kids feels like a total leap of faith at times, which it is. Love you!