It may sound like such a strange thing to hear me say that I am thankful for morning sickness, but that is exactly what I'm saying. Isn't it amazing how perspective is everything!? I've had the nausia of pregnancy a little worse this time around than I remember with the girls. It comes every day, at different times and for different reasons. Riding in the car, driving the car, getting too hungry, getting too full, moving around too quickly, eating the wrong foods, sometimes just because. And don't get me wrong, the sensation of the quesiness that often produces the gags or false alarm runs to the bathroom is NOT pleasant, but that doesn't make me any less thankful. I am thankful that for nearly ten weeks now, I have been pregnant with a little life that daily sends me signals of his or her presence in the form of an ill stomach, unstopable tiredness ( I took TWO Naps today!), or a glance in the mirror as I pass realizing that I am ALREADY and very obviously showing.
Fear still knocks at the door, slipping a foot in on some days to hold it ajar, but one quick prayer, sometimes many prayers throughout the day, flood my heart with peace. It is a simple peace, not a guarantee that all is well, not a promise that my heart will never again endure the pain of loss, but a peace in knowing that my God is good and sovereign and loving and purposeful. In my limited view of my life, I behold today. Today, I am pregnant; today I can rejoice! And tomorrow? Tomorrow is unknown, tomorrow is not in my hands. But I am in my Father's hands, as are the details of my life, and those hands can be trusted. Those hands have carried me through many tears of pain and leaps of joy. Sometimes they pull me close to His face, His tears mingled with mine. Other times, they hold me up in the air, letting me fly of the wings of joy, and He smiles and laughs with me! But I can take comfort in the fact that He will never let me slip out of those strong and gentle hands. THAT is where my assurance comes from, my peace, my joy, my hope. If I try to find it in anything else, even those pregnancy symtoms that seem so reassuring, I am looking in the wrong place. These verses came to my heart as I was writing this:
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4: 12-13
I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.
Father, thank you for this life You created in my womb! Thank you for the blessings of today. Let my life glorify you, "whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want!" Give me your peace for each new day, "guard my heart and my mind in Christ Jesus!" Amen!