The Conflict Within

^{Romans 7:15-25}

¹⁵I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. ¹⁶And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. ¹⁷As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. ¹⁸I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.^[c] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. ¹⁹For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. ²⁰Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

²¹So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. ²²For in my inner being I delight in God's law; ²³but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. ²⁴What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? ²⁵Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.

Can I get an Amen!? Oh, how this passage sums it up for me!

The morning is upon me. After nursing Chloe at 4:30am, her occasional morning drink, I go into the bathroom for a drink myself. I hear the first birds of the morning start their song outside my bathroom window. For a moment I delight in their sound, but the moment passes and I fumble back to my warm, soft covers, hoping for another couple hours of slumber. It was a difficult night. Chloe had some crying bouts up until 12:30am, then Emma came in at 2:00am for comfort after a nightmare. Needless to say, this mama was tired at 6:15am when Emma was up and in chipper form for the day. She crawls in the covers between us. I know it's coming, but perhaps this once, this one blissful once, she won't say it..."Mommy, get me some juice please!" "Just a minute," I grumble. Five seconds later, "Mommy, can you get me some juice please, I'm thirsty?!" With a little more volume I answer, "Just a minute! Mommy is very tired, I need to rest a little longer, please be patient." This banter goes back and forth several times, complete with rolling the other way in a huff. Travis finally succumbs and gets her the juice, what a guy! It's about 50/50, but we never know on a given morning who will make the self sacrificing choice to jump out of bed. Shamefully, when I decide to answer the plea, it's usually in a big huff of covers thrown, storming down the hall to the kitchen. By the time I make it back to the bedroom, I'm already feeling guilty for my little tantrum, and then we ease into the day as usual. By post shower, I'm in a better mood, but invariably, the next irritating whine or tantrum from Emma will evoke in me the teeth clenching, complete with steam out the ears, and of course an occasional (as Travis calls them) toothpaste tube yelling episodes when I must resemble the Wicked Witch of the West. James 3:10 says: "Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be."
I long to be the patient, gracious mother, always calm in response to chaos, always seeing the greater character goal in all my discipline, only administering consequences for behaviors that truely need correcting, not simply out of selfish annoyance when Emma is just being a normal child of her age. I long to be Christ to my children, ever patient, always seeing the best in them when they are giving me their worst, responding in love when it seems they must surely exist to reveal all my shortcomings. My days are full of choices, continue doing the dishes, or grant the request to "play with me mommy", sweep the floor, or get down on it with my sweet little Chloe, clammering for my attention? To make a house or make a home, how does one do both? Some days I am lonely, isolated in my car-less existance, longing for an adult conversation and an end to the incessant whining from my two year old. Sometimes it's hard for me to see the emmence value of the position I've chosen as a stay-at-home mom when I feel that I fail at being the mom I want to be at least once a day. Some days, I just want to be selfish, I just want to do something that I enjoy, without interruption, but then feel sorry for myself when I can't.

"Oh Father, my Savior and Friend! Help me! I want so much to be all that You've called me to be. I want to drink up your presence and your promises every day, be my fuel to do what I cannot do without you. Be my joy when I am in the pits of despair, be my patience when I have none left, be everything in me that I cannot be. You have entrusted tender, precious lives in my care, they need me to need you with an insatiable hunger. Reveal your purposes for me when I am feeling hopeless, remind me of your forgiveness when I refuse to forgive myself. Little eyes are watching, little ears are listening. Help me to lay down my life each day for my family, filled to overflowing with YOU! Help me to resist the tempation to think as the world thinks, that I am somehow entitled to selfishness, that I am in some way in need of more than the portion you have given me, the job you have asked me to do."

We Have Succumb!

Yes, our very first video game system as a married couple! Travis bought the Wii Nintendo system today, we've been having so much fun this afternoon. Truth be told, it's HIS, but we decided we wanted a completely family friendly game system, and this fits the bill. Not to mention, it's almost impossible to sit still while you play, so there might even be some calories burned. I'm the bowling queen so far, but Travis beat me in tennis. Nothing like a little competition to spark the romance! Now we'll just have to limit ourselves so as not to waste away too many hours. Let the games begin!

We're Famous!!!

Okay, well maybe not "we", but

our house is the latest "covergirl" for Homes and Land Magazine!That's right, at the very moment these pictures were being taken, we girls were having our breakfast. It was all I could do to keep Emma from standing up on the back of the couch looking out the window in her panties while the photographer took the shots. There is also a possiblity that we could be interviewed by the Home and Garden Channel, HGTV, about why we picked Jamestown Builders and what we like about our house. So we may get our 5 minutes of fame after all! We'll keep you posted.
Happy Monday to all!

My BIG girl!

Chloe had her nine month appointment on Monday. She's doing great! Happy, healthy, and oh did I mention HUGE!? That's right, my "little" biddle peep would make the 50th percentile in height for a two year old!!!! Here are the stats:
Height: 30.5 inches (97th percentile)
Weight: 21 pounds, 6 ounces (80th percentile)
Go Chloe! Tall is beautiful! So what if you may dwarf all the boys in junior high, they'll catch up to you in high school. The doctor said that taller babies tend to be a little slower on crawling and walking because they have more weight and span to manouver around and balance, which makes sense. The same reason you see a lot of shorter gymnasts and figure skaters. She's on the verge of crawling though, it really won't be long now! You're growing up too quickly my sweet babe. If only I could stop time for awhile.

Happy Mother's Day Momma!

Happy Mother's Day Momma!
After more than 27 years on earth, there still isn't a single soul who can comfort me like you can. I would cuddle up in the crook of your arm every day if I could!

You are my favorite confidant, the one who listens to me even when I haven't quite figured things out yet. Constant patience and forgiveness, always seeing the best in me, my biggest fan!

As a child, I didn't know where you stopped and I began. I still can't figure it out sometimes. Once we were attached by umbilical cord, now we are attached at the spirit. Mother, best friend, mentor, sister in Christ. I am so blessed to call you Mom!

And the cycle continues. Thank you for the legacy, the footprints you have left, and continue to leave, in my heart! Now I can only pray that I might pass the legacy on to my own daughters, demonstrating Christ's love for them the way you did for me. And as Nana, Emma and Chloe are also reeping the blessings of you in their lives!

On this day of honor, know that you are loved more than words can express.
I love you, I love you, I love you...FOREVER!

Mommy Talk

Mommy Talk question for May 7th, 2007

How much weight did you gain (w/picture if you are you brave enough!)
What did you like MOST about pregnancy?
What did you like the LEAST?

I gained 35 pounds with each of my pregnancies! I started out a bit underweight, so my doctor was pleased with this gain. My poor stomach skin though! I carry my babies ALL out front, as you can plainly see. My belly button has surrendered and now looks towards the floor. But stretch marks, mangled belly button and all, WHAT a blessing to be able to bear children!(above)38 weeks pregnant with Emma. She was born four days later.

37 weeks pregnant with Chloe. She was born four days later.
What I loved most about being pregnant? EVERYTHING! I loved the movement, the joy of knowing that life was being created and growing inside me, the antipation of meeting this little person, wondering who they would look like, experiencing my heart grow ten fold with each passing day, and it's still growing!
What I liked least about being pregnant? Just the aches and pains and difficulty sleeping towards the end mainly. Okay, the plumpness in the arms, thighs, hips and stomach was a bit much for lingering in front of the mirror too, but I knew it was all worth it!

Emma sings John 14:6

Meme (I've been tagged!)

I've been tagged by Jennisa to complete this Meme (I need some clarification on what a meme is and what the title means if anyone can help.)

Here goes...

• Here are the rules: Each player starts with 7 random facts/habits about themselves.
• People who are tagged need to write on their own blog about their seven things, as well as these rules.
  
• You need to choose 7 people to tag and list their names. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them that they have been tagged and to read your blog!

1. I love to decorate my house, my latest style is antiques! My mother-in-law got me hooked. I like old farm house/ beach house type peices, like old white washed windows and beadboard, that kind of stuff. (wish I had more time and money for it.)

2. My husband and I are junior high sweethearts, I spotted him in the seventh grade hall at the beginning of my eighth grade year. I couldn't get over his gorgeous eyes! The rest is history. I love him more and more every day.

3. I love to write, it is my soul's voice, and I believe the Lord speaks through my writing to others at times and always speaks to me through my own writing, which never ceases to amaze me. To God be the Glory! I also enjoy reading, although with little ones, I rarely find the time.

4. I'm a typical firstborn, straight A's (okay, maybe a B here and there), and a perfectionist at times, although I'm getting more relaxed with age. Children help with that too. I have a bachelor's degree in Human Development and Family Studies, which I only "used" for a year before starting my career as a fulltime homemaker.

5. I was the supporting lead in my high school musical as a senior. We did, "How to Succeed in Buisness without really trying." I played "Smitty", a behive wearing secretary. My solo of fame was "Coffee Break". I love to sing. I'm on worship team at church.

6. I birthed my first daughter with no drugs. I thought I was going to die, literally! I was no hero, I went straight for the epidural with my second daughter, one of the best decisions I've ever made. Pain that puts you at death's door is HIGHLY overrated!

7. I LOVE the outdoors! Backpacking in secluded places, climbing high moutains, washing my hair in ice cold rivers, eating by firelight, sleeping in a down sleeping bag in a two man tent, the sound of the wind through the evergreens, the brilliance of the stars with no city lights to hide them, ahhh... Okay, now I'm really needing my mountains!

I'm tagging:
Elise
Erin
Katherine
Amber(seed)
Anne Marie
Melissa
Jen
Katie

My "Worth"

I came accross this news article this morning. Although I consider myself completely secure in the value of my chosen profession as fulltime homemaker, this was certainly a self-esteem boost!

NEW YORK (Reuters) - If the typical stay-at-home mother in the United States were paid for her work as a housekeeper, cook and psychologist among other roles, she would earn $138,095 a year, according to research released on Wednesday.

This reflected a 3 percent raise from last year's $134,121, according to Salary.com Inc, Waltham, Massachusetts-based compensation experts.

The 10 jobs listed as comprising a mother's work were housekeeper, cook, day care center teacher, laundry machine operator, van driver, facilities manager, janitor, computer operator, chief executive officer and psychologist, it said.

The typical mother puts in a 92-hour work week, it said, working 40 hours at base pay and 52 hours overtime.

A mother who holds full-time job outside the home would earn an additional $85,939 for the work she does at home, Salary.com.

Last year she would have earned $85,876 for her at-home work, it said.

Salary.com compiled the online responses of 26,000 stay-at-home mothers and 14,000 mothers who also work outside the home.

(Reporting by Ellen Wulfhorst)