Today at my church’s mom’s group, we had one of our pastors
give us a pep talk and boy let me tell you, God had the message on an arrow
straight to my heart! His theme was,
focusing on the main things. As a mother
of young ones, sometimes I feel like I’m always a day late and a dollar short
in the cleaning, meal preparing, busy work tasks of making a home. I have been feeling really defeated lately,
frustrated at why can’t I get it all done, just sort of grumpy about it all
most of the time! But God had
encouragement for me in Pastor C’s message today and it was this, “by whose
standards are you living? By what expectations are you measuring your “success”
as a homemaker?” My pastor reminded us
that God clearly lays out some priorities for us in scripture and here are the
top two: Loving Him, Loving others as ourselves (Husband first, then children,
then the family of God, then those who are lost). Nowhere in this list do we find “Martha
Stewart house pristinely clean at all times” or “perfectly fit body outfitted
in the latest clothes and hairstyle”.
Those priorities come from our culture, not from Him. And yet it hit me this morning as I was
listening to the message, these are things that most often have me feeling
inadequate and defeated. I tell my
children, “just a minute” about 100 times a day as I scurry around to clean a
house that never gets fully clean. It’s
like shoveling snow while it’s still snowing!
Pastor C assured us that this doesn’t mean we neglect the tasks of
cleaning and taking care of ourselves, what it means is that we don’t push the
more important things aside to accomplish them.
He also encouraged us in the way we greet our husbands when they come
home. He asked us if we barrage our men
with complaints about how hard the day was and all we didn’t get done and need
help with or if we focus on loving and welcoming him home first and simply
asking for help instead of playing the poor me card to earn his sympathy. Ouch!
Boy do I do this more than I’d like to admit. As I was thinking about it today, it’s like I
feel the need to paint a sad story of my day in order to excuse the fact that I
didn’t get everything done according to MY list. When really, Travis knows what I’m facing, he
knows that we are in a weary season of our lives and that I can’t be super
woman. But I think what it is is that I
WANT to be, so badly! My own desire to
be perfect at everything puts me in a grouchy, complaining, defeated mood and
it’s just sin, plain and simple. When I
am focusing on the “main” things, as pastor C put it, those other things will
be seen with the right perspective.
Matthew 6:33 says, “Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live
righteously, and he will give you everything you need.”
My children won’t remember how clean the house was or
wasn’t, but they will remember the time I spend with them, doing things
together, laughing, enjoying them, reading the Word together and praying. But if I’m not careful they will also
remember a mama who’s constantly stressing about all she has to accomplish and
how she made them feel like they were always in the way of those
accomplishments. So what’s the
balance? Well, here’s a list of what I
think homemaking is and isn’t. I don’t
claim to have it all figured out, but these are what ring true at the moment:
1.
Homemaking IS
creating a place of refuge and peace for our families, which I think includes a
certain level of cleanliness and organization.
Homemaking IS NOT, a
perfectly clean and organized home at all times at the expense of lost quality
time with the very family we are trying to create a refuge for.
2.
Homemaking IS
living by right priorities with our time and energy, which can mean limiting or
eliminating those things that threaten to take the tops spots. Homemaking IS NOT holding ourselves to impossible standards or comparing
ourselves to other moms who are gifted differently.
3.
Homemaking IS
filling up our tanks with time with Jesus and His Word, praying throughout the
day for His strength and perspective which will overflow into our families. Homemaking IS NOT trying to do it on our own strength. Our standards and priorities never work like
His do and we can do nothing well on an empty tank.
4.
Homemaking IS
preparing healthy, tasty food for our families.
Homemaking IS NOT nightly
gourmet meals. Gourmet chefery never
makes an appearance on God’s priority list, only on the food network’s.
5.
Homemaking IS
refueling ourselves with retreats of rest and joyful activities (the most
important being time with the Lord).
Homemaking IS NOT feeling
entitled to selfish pursuits or allowing ourselves to be completely derailed by
laziness and selfish hobbies.
6.
Homemaking IS having a plan. Homemaking
IS NOT feeling completely derailed
and defeated when daily life doesn’t go according to it. God’s plans are always better than ours, even
when they make us feel uncomfortable.
7.
Homemaking IS
including the whole family in cleaning and the work that needs to be done,
expecting that perfection will not happen, but pride in contributing will. Homemaking IS NOT feeling like you have to do it all without asking for
help. Everyone can do something , don’t
play the poor martyr by doing it all.
8.
Homemaking IS
practicing hospitality. Homemaking IS NOT needing a clean home before you
do it. Be a Mary and not a Martha.
I would love to hear your additions to this list and what
God is teaching you about focusing on the main things. Sisters, we need each other! Not the perfect façade we may want others to
see, but the real us that knows fancy words and appearances will never get us
to the good stuff of true sisterhood.
