Emma is 8!

Happy 8th Birthday Emma!  I may have said this for earlier birthdays too, but I just can't believe it's been eight years since I first beheld your precious 8lb. 4oz. form for the first time.  To say I was in love at first sight is an understatement, because I fell in love with you long before that.  Before God ever created you in my womb, I wanted you.  I dreamed of having a daughter of my own, prayed for you, and oh how undeservedly blessed I am to have you!

There has been something special about this eighth year of your life, something about you really coming into your own, that has blessed my socks off!  You are MY girl, yes, and you are a lot like me in many ways.  But you are also beautifully unique, the only you God has made, and I get the privilege of being your mama for as long as God will let me.  This year you have moved into your own room, something you're giddy about. Just a small reminder that you are growing up and I wish it could slow down:(. Your outward beauty is obvious sweet girl, so many people tell you so, but what amazes me and makes me smile from ear to ear is your heart.  You love others well, you enjoy serving and encouraging, reminding others of how much you love them by every means you can think of.  Homemade cards, daily "I love you more than _____"s, doing things for others, giving them gifts.  You are such a great student as well, always doing your best for your teacher, showing respect to the adults in your life, you are a sweet fragrance to every person in your life, sweet peanut!  This year you got into Centennial Children's Choir.  Your love for singing, and the way you smile at me in the audience while you do it melts my heart into a puddle.  I am so proud of you, sweet girl, for every part of who you are.  And even when you struggle, against sin and selfishness, as we all do, know that my love for you never changes, because God's love for you never changes!  He sent Jesus to die for you sweetheart, a gift you received personally when you were 7 and that you can celebrate every day as you are washed with new mercy.  It's not to earn His favor that you live to please Him, but because of His favor, the gift of your salvation, adoption into His family, that you live your life to glorify Him.  As we head into your ninth year, your dad and I will be praying for you every day, that God will continue to shape you into all He wants you to be.  He has good plans for you, precious girl, and it is our pleasure to watch those plans unfold and to love you the best we can along the way.

Fergus and Mabel

We make plans for our families, it's what parents do right?  And we get excited, really excited, about the ways we plan to add joy to family life.  It was about three months ago that I started making such a plan.  A friend of ours found out her cat, that she inherited from the previous owners of her home, was having kittens.  They were told this cat was a male, so imagine my friend's shock.  My wheels started turning immediately!  Our kids have wanted a pet forever and we keep saying "later, later, later".  Well what if this could be later?!  I talked it over with Travis and after a few weeks of thought, he said yes.  I was giddy.  I had both cats and dogs all of my growing up years, but I've never been "the mama" to a pet, you know, the one who cares for that pet from day one.  So I staked my claim, Tricia granted me first pick of the litter.  And I waited.  They were born on March 2nd.  Yes, I remember the date, because who wouldn't remember the birthday of a beloved member of their family?  And then we had to wait some more, they wouldn't be ready for 6-8 weeks.  As the pictures came in, my excitement grew.  And then we told the kids, they were ecstatic!  Chloe started a countdown, she had it down the day without missing a beat. I ordered a litter box and cat climber, dishes, a brush, toys, researched litter and got their little spot all ready in the laundry room. We picked a precious little gray kitty that stole our hearts.  We went out to meet the kittens when they were just barely walking, there's just nothing sweeter than wobbling, tiny kittens!  Travis was surprised how smitten he was, for someone who never had cats growing up.  He asked me on the way home if I thought it would be good to get two instead of one.  I loved the idea!  There were three white females with the most adorable gray ears, faces, and tails.  So we thought it over as the weeks moved on, and the night before we planned to go get Fergus, we decided to get one of the girls too, we named her Mabel.  On homecoming day, the kids were on pins and needles, asking multiple times throughout the morning and early afternoon, "is it time to get Fergus and Mabel yet?"  They bolted out of the car when we got to my friend's house.  When we put them in the carrier for the ride home, it felt official, our babies were coming home.  It's amazing how much joy playful kittens can bring to every day life, they are so entertaining to watch!  They took right to their litter box and bed and toys.  Their cat climber was a huge hit, this became their favorite nap spot.  And our love grew for them every single day.  Every morning when I first saw them, they gave me special purrs and longing looks and every evening they snuggled with  me on the couch to nap and play and purr with my petting.  I often glanced over at Travis just beaming, and he was falling for them too.  And the kids, oh my goodness, I'm pretty sure they never once asked to watch a movie that week, those little babies became their world.  But that's all we got with our precious fur balls, one short but beautiful week.  Sawyer came down with a cold a few days before we got the kittens, so when his eyes started getting red and watery, we just assumed it was related to the cold, maybe pink eye setting in.  I refused to go to the possibility of allergies in my mind because I just didn't want to believe it could be possible.  But then on Thursday of that week, after red, itchy, watery eyes off and on throughout the week, Fergus licked Sawyer on the face.  Little white bumps started to form around his eye and then his eye almost completely swelled shut as the day progressed.  I knew it in my heart then, he was allergic to cats... and my heart sank.  I called all over town to allergy docs to see if we could get him in immediately to get tested.  I got him in for a friday appointment and sure enough, he is highly allergic to cats.  He also showed allergies to dogs, horses, mice, and cluster of certain trees.  The doctor talked us through all the medications and sinus rinses she was prescribing for Sawyer and my ears tuned out, I knew what had to be done.  There was no way we could put Sawyer on a laundry list of medications just so we could have cats.  There are things we can do as he grows up to try to improve his immunity to cats and other animals, but it isn't putting Sawyer first to make him suffer in the mean time.  Oh it was heart breaking!  So I put the word out to find a new home for the kittens.  It didn't take long and a friend from my childhood offered to take them both, which was great because I really wanted them to stay together.  When we got home, we broke the news to Emma and Chloe.  They were sad and angry and then just sad.  Chloe asked at one point if we could sell Sawyer at a garage sale!  She was only half joking, the little stinker.  And Emma couldn't stop the tears, she just kept saying, "I REALLY don't want them to go!"  On Saturday morning, we packed everything up and the girls came with me to bring them to their new home.  We all held up okay while we were dropping them off, but on the way home, we all broke down.  My friend's older cats weren't too sure of these new creatures, naturally, and one hissed at Mabel at one point.  Little Mabel hissed back in her tiny his and was shaking.  Emma kept recounting how sad it made her to see Mabel so scared and that they would have had a better life with us.  And I couldn't stop crying either, I think I was so focused on how much the kids were suffering that I completely ignored how much this whole thing was hurting my own heart.  I wanted these kittens, they were MY babies!  I had been planning for them for months.  But then it washed over me, what a gift this experience was for my kids, for me, for all of us.  It was training ground for the heartaches of life, the disappointments that leave us broken and sad.  It is moments like these that are the places we have to ask where our true joy comes from, what fulfills us, what is God teaching us in the disappointments?  And my heart smiled at my Savior and He smiled back as I talked to the girls about this very truth on the way home.  And then Emma said she wanted to pray, and it was one of the sweetest, most genuine prayers I've ever heard from her lips.  She told God about how sad we are and then thanked him for promising to comfort us.  And then she went through a list of gratitude, that we got to have them for a week and that we got to give them to this new family who would now get to love them.  She thanked Him for all we DO have and asked Him to help her be grateful.  The pain didn't stop after we prayed, but our perspectives did.  And I praised the Lord for this hurt, because it pointed our hearts to Him. 

Good bye sweet kitties!  We loved you well for that precious week and we will never forget you!
Job 1:21- "The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised."

Catching Up

Brushing the dust off this blog, whew it's been a full month!  I guess it's true that sometimes you're too busy living life to blog about it, I'll count that as a good thing:).  I'll start with Easter Pictures.  What a beautiful day we had to celebrate our risen Savior!

Our little "Noodle" is walking well now, I officially have a toddler in every sense of the word!  The girls only have four more weeks of school, needless to say May will not be any less full than April has been.  I'm already drawing up our plans for summer which will include so many fun things! Swimming lessons, farm camp, choir camp, school time, VBS, lazy days by the pool and picnics at the park, camping, road trips, new baby nephew to meet, but most importantly, time to love on my children 24/7!  My big girls have loved school so much this year, but I'm excited to have them to myself for a few months.  It's hard to believe it will be garden planting time next weekend!  We already have strawberry plants, raspberries, blackberries and rhubarb taking off.  Life is beautiful because God gives it!  He is good all the time. We had a sad course of events over the past week, but we are counting the gifts even in the midst of broken hearts.  These events deserve their own post... soon.

These Two

Watching Sawyer be a big brother to Autumn is so heart warming.  He loves this baby girl, and no one told him he has to, he just genuinely does. When they wake up from their naps, he always asks if Autumn can sit with him while they drink their juice.  She always loves this arrangement as much as he does:).

 And this kiss?  Ya, not prompted by me at all, he just can't get enough of her.  He often looks at me and says with amazement, "she's just so cute mommy!"  Tonight while they were taking a bath together, Autumn slipped a bit and he pulled her right up quickly and said, "whoa, that was close!" Then he turned to me and said, "don't worry mama, I'll always save Autumn when she falls."  And I believe he will.  I praise the Lord for this special blooming relationship.

Update in random

- It's the middle of March and we've had a week of unseasonably warm weather, I'm talking mid-70's all week!  Did I mention this week has also been our spring break?  It has been positively perfect!  I even let the kids have the wading pool out one day (I know, call me crazy:)!  We filled it up with hot water from the kitchen sink and they were in heaven.  It's been a summer dreaming kind of week, filled with park dates and sun-kissed skin.  I sigh a happy sigh:).  Yesterday Travis took the day off and we went to the museum.  They had a live lizard and snack exhibit, which was a huge hit.

- As happy and warm as the week was, I'm tired.  As I sit here this evening, all the kids in bed and Travis out with some friends, the silence is golden.  Spring break is a good reminder that a plan, some sort of loose schedule, is a must for the summer. Last year I had a more structured morning for us and then let the afternoons be more free, it worked really well and the kids thrived knowing what to expect each day and keeping up on school work helped them stay ready for the following year.

- I'm feeling a bit restless.  Perhaps it's a bit of spring fever, but I just have this feeling that change is coming.  Not sure what kind of change, but sensing God moving our lives in a new direction soon, hmmm....

- Some fun trips are coming up, a women's retreat for me next month, our anniversary trip in May, then a trip for Autumn and I in June for my cousin's wedding, and a family road trip to see my brother and sister-in-law and to meet our newest nephew (due July 8th) at the end of the summer.  I love to travel, kids or no, it just does my soul some good to see new places and break up our routines a bit.

- Needing more time in the Word, longing for it.  Have you been studying any particular book the Bible lately?  How bout Bible study books that have been great?

- Autumn is finally sleeping all the way through the night!!!  I think four nights in a row can make it official right?  I can't tell you how wonderful it is to sleep an entire night through til daylight:).  Thank you Lord!

- It's time to edit some pictures before my eyelids get any heavier.  I recently took pictures of an absolutely adorable 8 month old!  I'm planning on getting back in the saddle on my photography blog soon, I have SO many pics to get up there!

- I am blessed, no if's, ands, or buts about it!  Nighty night:).

Autumn's First Birthday!

My baby is one.  We had such a special day celebrating our sweet little tulip!

 Whole Foods carrot cake is the best!

 

Snuggles with Grammy

 

Silly, sweet Cousins!

 Autumn and Alina are just about nine months apart.

 

 

She was all smiles during gift time.

 I think the baby Nana gave her was her favorite.

 Autumn adoring her Nana!

 Mommy and Daddy's sweet Tulip!

 Autumn loves her Grammy and Papa!

A tuckered birthday girl.

And since Chloe was too busy playing with her cousins to make any of the pictures from that day, here's our sweet Roo at cousin Klain's first birthday a few days later.  Happy birthday to our sweet Klain!  Just a week and a half younger than Autumn.

When We've Been Wounded

Have you been in this place? Heart beating in your throat, trembling with emotion.  The mind says angry but the heart screams hurt.  When the hurt is doled out and leaves our jaw on the floor. But why are we so surprised, at this heart sinking hurt? To love, to pursue in friendship is to open our chests and ask for it, right?, because sin spares no one and no one is without sin. What does God have for me in these wakes of rejection?  How does he want to heal the sorrow of not being liked or wanted or understood?  Run away and shut the door, lock it, that's what I want to do, let the tears flow, wallow in self pity, vow to hold that person at arms length from now on.  But then I see Him in the corner, looking at me with an ache of understanding, He walks slowly towards me, arms open, head slightly to one side.  He reaches his hand to my downcast chin and lifts my face to His and says, "sweet daughter, I know how this feels, to be rejected by those you love.  I know what it is to be misunderstood, despised, to be hated.  And I was without sin. But I kept on loving, I kept on being, I kept on doing all the Father asked of me because of my great love for YOU!"  And then my heart hears it, the answer to my hurt.  Because of my great love for HIM, because I have been forgiven much, I must love much, forgive much, ask for forgiveness even when it doesn't seem fair.  Are boundaries really Biblical or have we culturally rationalized them to be good for our own protection?  What if loving like Christ means expecting the hurt?  What if the best way to show Him to the world is to respond to hurt in a way that defies logic?  In a way that proves it is NOTHING in us, but all HIM in us.  Oh this is a struggle, our pride hates this, but I grasp His hand and He takes the first step towards the door.  He moves my hand to unlock the door.  He walks out first and turns to me and says, "My power will be made perfect in your weakness."  And so I walk out, take a deep breath, and choose to love more, forgive again, to let His light shine through this cracked and broken and ugly vessel.  And if I run into that room again, I trust He will always walk me back out, because it is fire that refines, not feathers.

2 Corinthians 4:7-8 "But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair."

Isaiah 53:3-4 "He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain. Like one from whom people hide their faces he was despised, and we held him in low esteem. Surely he took up our pain and bore our suffering, yet we considered him punished by God, stricken by him, and afflicted."

Why I Love Mondays

I often hear moaning about Mondays, getting up early, starting out the routine of the week.  But I'm going to buck the system and say that I LOVE them!  No, I really mean it, I love Mondays!  It's a fresh start see, not just a brand new day, but a brand new week, a brand new chance to start on the right foot, to prioritize my time and relationships, to seek the thrown of grace for those new mercies He promises and to allow Him to fill me up and send me out.  Call me crazy, but I'm sure there is a smirk on my face, maybe a full on smile as I load that first load of laundry, make those school lunches, eat my breakfast looking at the big oak tree with the mountainous backdrop.  This is the day the Lord has made, I think to myself, I will rejoice and be glad in it!  My prayer this morning, "Father, give me the grace to step into your plan for me this week, to die to self and serve those you've placed in my care and life.  Lord, show me any offensive way in me, grow fruit of your spirit in my life.  I am weak, I fail every day, and I loath the ugliness of my sin.  Show me how to live in your forgiveness, to BE the new creation I am because of Christ. Amen."  Deep breath and here we go!  So much love to you as you read this friend!  May HIS power be made perfect in OUR weakness!

This and That

Cohesive essays are overrated... or at least I'll say that to make myself feel better about these random bullet points. 
- Just did my workout video!  I feel so good after I'm done, but I'd be lying if I said I thoroughly enjoy it while I'm doing it.  Jillian Michaels doesn't play around... but she IS giving me some awesome muscle definition, so I'll stop complaining.
- Valentine's Day is coming up, and this is my first year to try to be homespun about it and make homemade valentines with the girls.  I can't take all the credit though, I got the idea from Pinterest.  What do you think?

- I've been reading Organized Simplicity, great so far! Creating an atmosphere of peace and focus, what a gift to our families and ourselves! Still very much in process, but taking steps, it feels good.

- I'm ready for a vacation!  Just me and my man, some beautiful balmy weather, sleeping until my body naturally wakes up, eating delicious food, reading wonderful books by the water.  Our ten year anniversary is coming up in a year and a half and we're hoping to make this dreaming a reality:).  Perhaps a little weekend away can happen for our nine year too, fingers crossed:).

- My baby girl is turning one in just 12 days.  Nope, not ready for this, not in the least.  I've decided she will only ever be months old, not years, because after all you're still a baby when your age is referred to in months right? Here are a couple of her one year pics I took about a week ago.  Oh the preciousness!!!

- Travis needs a new car.  And when I say "needs" I really mean it.  He has a 1986 Buick that we inherited from a great Aunt upon her passing.  Free car, no payment, exactly up our alley, but it's on it's last leg.  It dies at random intersections, emits an awful smell, so the windows always need to be cracked, and the girls only have lap belts in the back seat while riding to school in the mornings.  Time to start a craigslist search...
-Do you want to know what I think about at about 5:30am every morning?  "I wonder how much one of those temper pedic mattresses cost?  I wonder how long we'd have to save for one?"  Yes, our mattress set of 8 years is starting to give us aches and pains each morning:(.  My back aches so much that it wakes me early each morning restless and unable to go back to sleep until I finally give up and get up before the alarm:(.
- Emma just had her hero project at school, she picked Jesus:).  She had so much fun making her Jesus figure and doing her research.  She was especially excited to tell her friends about Him in hopes that some might ask Him into their hearts.  It makes a mama's heart sing to hear this kind of excitement about sharing the good news!

- Chloe is reading! Such an amazing skill to master and she's doing so well so far, getting faster every day it seems.  And boy is her confidence growing at school, I'm so proud of my little sweetie:).
- How's my "one plan" going you might ask?  Well, pretty good I suppose, although I certainly haven't done each of my "one" things every day, but just being aware of what I'm aiming for, a reminder to be purposeful has really been growing some new habits in me, all praise to the Lord!
- I'm wondering if Sawyer might have some speech issues.  He's 3.5 and talking all the time, just seems to have trouble with the initial sounds of some words and stutters quite a bit when he's trying to say something he's really excited to say.  Going to make a call to our local school district to see about getting him evaluated.  I'm guessing these are things he will outgrow, but I'm hoping to get some tips for how I can help him overcome these obstacles at home.
- It's Friday, horay! Oh how I love me some weekend, whole family together for two days time!